I'm a ball of anxiety that can explode at any moment. I live a life of stress and fear of what I do and what I will or won't do. Hopes and dreams are what I strive on but they're also what brings me down in the face of reality. Hi. I'm Ali.
Worst case of sheer anxiety ever.
And it really doesn’t help that I should be looking forward to future events but I just got told pretty much otherwise.
Thank you again sweet, loving military. You screwed up everything again.
I’m in one of those moods again where every little thing adds up to one huge thing and I just….hate the fucking world.
It’s one of those moods where I want to punch my husband in the face for no reason at all except for the fact that he’s the only one around.
I have no one to talk to except him… No one that’s going to understand how I feel or why I see things the way I do. I feel hopeless and depressed but GOD FOR FUCKING BID I actually say that I someone that matters.
It took me all of a year to tell my supervisor I don’t play well with people who tease me and that it sets me off into attacks of anxiety and stress and that I’ve been taking medication for it and seeing a fucking therapist this whole time.
I’m a woman in a mans world who could care less and they see that and know it and give me more shit because of it. So fuck! Who the fucking hell is going to listen to me or give a damn about what I say?!
And that’s where I am. I have no open options or viable roads that I feel like I can take or are welcome to me.
I fucking hate this life.
I hear this saying a lot in my shop; “same shit, different day”
Well my usual “day” consists of me feeling humiliated, depressed, nervous, worrisome, and sick.
A lot of people don’t understand how sensitive of a soul I am.
I talk big an I can get angry and bitchy, BUT if I’m not 100% into it, I get choked and I cry from frustration for the simple fact that I can’t speak on my own behalf due to fear of being yelled at even if I’m in the right.
It’s a fucked up world.
Id like a job where I sit on my ass all day and stare at a computer screen
A job that gives me an exact hour for my lunch break every single day
A job that does not allow overtime simply because you get paid extra
A job that PAYS extra when worked like a fucking child in a sweatshop but just so happens to be in America aka overtime
A job that’s not mechanical
A job that’s not dominated by ugly, conceited assholes who think they are just oh so charming and appealing
A job that’s lenient
A job that I like
A job outside of the air force
FUCKERS
Yeah. so I was trying to be all positive with this whole thing but seriously…everytime i get hopeful and see an opportunity to better things…shit just gets thrown in my face and it DOES NOT MAKE ANYTHING BETTER.
my efforts always go to waste so honestly…what the FUCK is the point in trying anymore?!
